I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The struggles of a small town man whore
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
