dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
