I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
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I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
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I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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