Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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