Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
