She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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