Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
