I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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