peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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