I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
