So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
