We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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