video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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