I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
