I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
