don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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