p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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