We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
