i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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