ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I don't think brook has ever known best
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
