tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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