two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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