I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
