My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
