i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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