Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just forgot I was standing up.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
