Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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