I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
