so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize