he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
