Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
