her vagine was all disorganized.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize