I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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