Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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