there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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