Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
