i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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