Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
