Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
