dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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