only you would photoshop your dick
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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