I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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