yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
