She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
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There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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