i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
