Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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