playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
