If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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