I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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