Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
