I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize