Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
