I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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