never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
