Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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