You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
