Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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