oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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