and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
