Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
