Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
