I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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