Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
