ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
