hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I skipped work to stalk him.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
