Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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