So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
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he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
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Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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