her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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